I've never heard of this. Apparently the phrase has been around a few years. Where was I?
Man crushers
Men all over are declaring their loving admiration for other men, writes David Graham. It's not a gay thing — not that there's anything wrong with that.
It's a love that dare not speak its name ... until now.
Finally, five years into the new millennium, there are words to describe the range of fond emotions one straight man can feel for another.
Into a world of man dates (what? what's this?) and metrosexuals, enter the man crush.
Not to be confused with a pulverising WWE strangle hold or a gay orgy, the man crush is a term of endearment shared between two straight men.
Certainly, women have been open about their straight girl-on-girl crushes for years, those pangs of tenderness (requited or not) they feel for other women they admire deeply or just want to hang out with ... a lot.
One of history's most famous man crushes, that of Jerry Lewis on Dean Martin, is documented in Lewis's Dean & Me: A Love Story, the memoirs of the duo's blissful years together and their tumultuous separation. Lewis gushes about Martin's movie-star good looks, "Long, rugged face; great profile; thick, dark brows and eyelashes; and a suntan to match."
It may not be news that straight men are capable of developing infatuations for one of their own. What's new is that they're expressing it, publicly and even on the Internet, unfazed by any homosexual implications. (they like to stress that IT DOESN"T MAKE THEM GAY, OKAY???)
There's even a movie due to be released called Man Crush, written and directed by Rob McKittrick.
While the man crush has found a place in our modern, urban lexicon it also has been appreciated as an important social phenomenon.
"Disavowed of any homoerotic overtones, (NOT GAY!!!) the idea of a man articulating his emotions for another man is where we stand in the post-feminist era," says Whitehead. "It challenges the traditional notion of masculinity. The rugged, stoic, heroic definition of masculinity is losing ground."
The contemporary notion of heterosexual male interaction allows for intimacy, but is rarely eroticised.
Google the phrase, "I have a man crush on," and you'll get more than 2,200 hits, mostly blogs in which men publicly declare their affection for high-profile entertainers and sports personalities, often phrased in terms of the "man crush".
While bloggers reveal themselves from a distance, other men are more up front and personal.
Twenty-six-year-old Toronto law student Keir Wilmut says the man crush is an obvious follow-up to the man date, in which two straight men are permitted to enjoy each other's company outside the confines of a sports arena — for instance, having coffee, going to dinner or a movie. Wilmut cautions other men that you'll recognise it when it happens. "You're a little too excited to see him. There's a level of emotional giddiness." He adds, "There's always a feeling of great admiration and infatuation."
Then Wilmut comes clean.
"I've had a man crush."
In fact, it was on his roommate of more than three years. "For the first year-and-a-half we did everything together. We went on lots of man dates." What's more, he believes the crush was mutual, and when his roommate moved out to be with his girlfriend he jokes that, "We treated it like a divorce."
Urban Dictionary, an online slang website, defines "man crush" in a variety of ways, mostly through feedback from readers. The site asks them to provide a brief definition, then use it in a sentence.
One man wrote: "Man crush is a very strong feeling that one straight man has for another, bordering on romantic but not the sexual. It's love alright but not the love that makes you want to get into his pants." (FUCK YOU! I"M NOT GAY!!!)
Used in a sentence: "Man crush is like the relationship between Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson in Wedding Crashers."
Toronto's David Eddie says sports personalities do nothing for him, though he admits tennis great Jimmy Connors was "intoxicating".
Happily married with three children, the 44-year-old writer and author says when it comes to man crushes, he prefers the artsy types, recalling fondly "the interesting, eccentric cool guy" in his philosophy class. "If I ever had a man crush it would be on someone like that, someone with the deep inner cool of Robert de Niro or writers like Edward Limonov or Martin Amis. Brad Pitt doesn't do it for me."
Eddie, who believes men develop man crushes on guys "who embody the qualities they want to have," admits he isn't completely charmed by the expression. He prefers the Seinfeld "non-sexual crush".
Eddie calls me the day after our interview to tell me he just watched the movie Deuce Bigalo: Male Gigolo, which details the comic mishaps of a male prostitute. As the male madam gushes to Bigalo, "You the best he-bitch in my man-stable. If I had more man-ginas like you I'd be a millionaire."
"Man-ginas," grimaces Eddie. "That's taking this to its final destination."
Can gays and lesbians have 'man crushes' and 'girl crushes' on each other; meaning, can a gay guy have a 'man crush' (non-sexual crush) on another gay guy? That would make a more interesting read. Sorry straights, if you're a guy who has the hots for a guy - it's gay. You may not be 'gay' - but it's gay. Period. Get over it.
